THE WAFFLEMAN: Life On The IT Help Desk

Yo! Here we go again with this actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

OPERATOR: Ridge Hall, computer assistance may I help you? CALLER: I’m having trouble with WordPerfect. I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

OPERATOR: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? CALLER: Nothing. OPERATOR: Nothing? CALLER: It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type. OPERATOR: Does your monitor have a power indicator? CALLER: What’s a monitor? OPERATOR: It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on? CALLER: I don’t know.

OPERATOR: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?? CALLER: Yes, I think so. OPERATOR: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall. CALLER: Yes, it is.

OPERATOR: Did you notice that there were two cables plugged in, not just one? CALLER: No. OPERATOR: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. CALLER: Okay, here it is. OPERATOR: Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer. CALLER: I can’t reach.

OPERATOR: OK. Well, can you see if it is? CALLER: No. OPERATOR: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? CALLER: Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.

OPERATOR: Dark? CALLER: Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. OPERATOR: Well, turn on the office light then. CALLER: I can’t. OPERATOR: No? Why not? CALLER: Because there’s a power failure.

OPERATOR: A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in? CALLER: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet. OPERATOR: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. CALLER: Really? Is it that bad? OPERATOR: Yes, I’m afraid it is. CALLER: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

OPERATOR: Tell them you’re too darn stupid to own a computer!

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