Yo! Here we go again with the â€œTop 8 Morons of the Yearâ€, sent to me by Willie G.
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26-million severance package. Perhaps itâ€™s not Walter whoâ€™s lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, Cal. spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing 10 tear-gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting.
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated-teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kans. Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldnâ€™t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: â€œGive me all your money or Iâ€™ll shoot,â€ the man shouted, â€œThatâ€™s not what I said!â€
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone: â€œMy wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.â€ â€œIs this her first child?â€ the doctor asked. â€œNo!â€ the man shouted, â€œThis is her husband!â€
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, Cal., Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located an hour east of Bakersfield, Cal., some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldnâ€™t get their brand-new 22-foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there might be able to tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. (Now remember, this is true.) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!