THE WAFFLEMAN: The Facts Of Adult Life

Filed under: Columns,Latest News |

Yo! Here we go again with these 23 adult truths sent to me by Al H.; they are so true.

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. MapQuest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection … again. 13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

And this is my personal favorite: 23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used by players in ice hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies … quit laughing.

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